"Common" Core

Seriously, the name alone should offend.  When did it become popular to aspire to be "common"?  I don't want my children to be "common".  I want them to be as unique as their fingerprints, as stripes on a zebra as...well...something else that is unique.

 

 

This is Travis Alexander.  He does take unique to an art form.  He is nearly 14 (which quite frankly blows my mind).  He has been homeschooled, like his siblings, for a total of 6 out of his 7 years of "schooling" to date.  He chose to go back to public school this year.  Mostly to see what the fuss was all about.  I love the fact that he is very introspective about his experience, but even when Travis is introspective, he is chatty.  Travis is NEVER non chatty...I mean NEVER.  But, that is my cross to bear...moving on.

 

So Travis is a bright kid.  I don't credit myself or homeschooling...he is just a bright kid.  So he is doing very well in school.  He pulled up his grades on Power School last night and was talking them over with his dad.  Now Kevin (his dad for the one of you who may stumble upon this and not know us) is a type A "achiever" kind of guy.  It took him awhile to embrace homeschooling for our kids and even then he had trouble sometimes with the attitude that "grades don't matter" (because they just don't! REALLY).  So, when our older kids eventually went back to school he had finally acclimated more and was okay with A's and B's as long as they were learning and "doing their best".  But, Travis is kind of a LOT like his dad.  If he is going to bother to do something he might as well be the best, or at least his best.  So, Kevin sees him as his "great white hope".  He sees him as his "high GPA guy" and he, not so secretly, is excited by this prospect.  I know it is not just the label he is excited about.  After putting three daughters through several years of college and anticipating our fourth college tuition next year, I have learned the value of a high GPA, grades still don't matter...to me...but they do to some and so we will jump through their hoops.  So, back to Power School. Travis has two A-'s.  The rest are A's.  But, I sat a few seats away, last night, listening to Kevin ask Travis "why the minuses"?  In Digital Portfolio it is because he doesn't type well (my bad, that is actually a valuable life skill which I can confirm because Kevin doesn't know his home keys and he does use typing in his day to day job and we often pity the keyboard he has to use because he beats on it with his two index fingers.  Of course, last night I saw him pick up his new Ipad and do some voice recognized notes so, seriously, in the world we are advancing towards how important will typing be?  But, I digress)

The other A- was in Language Arts.  Why?  Because Travis doesn't really understand diagramming sentences.  Now I will ask you, with a show of virtual hands, how many of you have diagrammed a sentence in your life post schooling?  Granted, I am "just a housewife" but I can't come up with a career path that will require diagramming a sentence.  (Other than a homeschool mom...so there is that irony).  Let me just tell you that Travis writes well, not physically mind you.  His handwriting is an abomination.  But, he is creative and his writing flows and makes perfect sense.  And boy does he love to read.  I have seen him get as passionate about a book he is devouring as he gets when he takes the ball away from a charging forward on the soccer field.  He uses words appropriately and in context.  So why, why, why, is he diagraming sentences? Or failing at it I guess I should ask?  I blame me, of course, I didn't focus on it in the past few years when I had him home.  Why would I want that to be what we did with our time together?  It just didn't seem important...because. it. isn't.

 

I have read the history of public schools.  I know why they were created. I encourage you all to do the same.  It is quite the eye opener.  I am blessed beyond belief that I don't have to rely on them for my childrens' education.  I am not a school basher.  There are many things professional teachers are far more qualified to teach my children than I am.  I support and respect the profession of teaching, administrating, lunch lady-ing.  All the people that put their time and effort into being there each day and trying to shape a young life.  I just don't understand why our government aspires to make this generation "common". 

 Where is the glory in that?

 



Holy Skewed Reality Batman!

Or should I say "Batgender-race neutral".  I mean seriously people.

Our two youngest boys watch a lot of television shows that probably most parents wouldn't consider "appropriate" for kids their age (13 and 10).  Sometimes people find out and say, "oh, I don't let my kids watch that show" or "really? aren't they a little young?". Or they silently judge me and silence is often the loudest.  I used to care but I got over it when I noticed that my kids were pretty darn cool in spite of the "inappropriate content" they had been exposed to.  So yeah, I let my kids watch Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother and Modern Family.  But you know what I would NEVER encourage them to watch...the evening news.  With television shows it is easy to say, "that is done for humor or that's not real".  And you might think here that I'm going to say that the world is just too ugly and dangerous so I don't want them to see it...but you'd be wrong...don't fret, I used to be wrong a lot too but I stopped and became AWESOME instead (HIMYM:-))!!  My kids are strong enough to handle the actual news...it's the stuff the media passes off as "news" that I don't want them exposed to.

My cool friend and African missionary Janette Miller and I were chatting last week.  She pointed out the discrepancy in news coverage between two tragedies that happened in the same week.  The Boston Marathon bombings and the explosion at the fertilizer factory in Texas.  In the first four people died, in the second upwards of 14 people died.  The first was sensationalized the second was barely covered.  Both were tragic, both were horrible, in both cases families lost loved ones.  But the media decided that the bombing was more news worthy and nobody seemed to care.

This week the news has been all over an NBA basketball player "coming out" and he is called a hero. My attitude and feelings have evolved over the years towards homosexuality...I'm not going to lie here...it gives me the heebie jeebies...but I don't believe love is a sin and I also don't believe it is mine to judge.  I don't care whom you chose to love as long as I don't have to watch the physical stuff and I presume you would feel the same about me...intimacy is actually NOT very pretty which is why I believe we should all have locks on our bedroom doors!!! and our bedroom mouths for that matter!

So anyway, back to my point.  I don't think Jason Collins is a hero.  I think anyone who is "real" in this world of make believe is brave, but it doesn't make them a hero.  I also don't think it is Jason Collin's fault that he is being called a hero.  The media took a story, knew it would be controversial (NOT newsworthy, just controversial) and they blew it up.

So yes, my kids watch "inappropriate television" but not the news...never the "news" and don't even get me started on "reality" television!

muzzles and shock collars

I have decided that youth sports (specifically soccer the "full contact-non contact" sport) would be so much more enjoyable if parents weren't allowed to attend...but then I remembered, I am a parent, and I love to watch my kids participate so I went back to the drawing board. I was thinking muzzles...all parents must wear muzzles, but, 99.9% of the time what I shout is positive and thoughtful (we don't need to discuss the other .1 percent...I am human and I carried and gave birth to that little human running around on that sports field and if some post pubescent neandrathal with a stupid little goatee runs him over I will likely voice my displeasure). So, if ALL parents were muzzled I would not be able to shout "be majestic Bob" to my little boys or "you're pretty" to my girls (sometimes I get the two mixed up, the girls are confused and the boys get downright huffy) so, mandatory muzzles are not the answer. That led me to wonder about the shock collar that delivers just a little volt to our dog if it wanders too near the wire fence buried deep in our yard. And that is just what it is my friends...knowing when you have gone over board is sometimes hard, especially when you see you're sons and daughters out on the field going head to head (shoulder to shoulder as the case were) in the heat of battle. Those are our babies out there and we want to protect and defend even when we are only supposed to spectate. But, we need to try harder to remember that the other guy...even the post pubescent neandrathal with the goatee...is somebody's baby too. Maybe not as cute and cuddly as ours, but still, their baby. So, I have settled on the shock collar...just a little zing when our comments go from positive to negative, towards building up instead of crushing down. And, I honestly believe the ONLY time a parent should say anything about an opposing team member is if they are congratulating them on a well played moment. You do yours, I'll do mine. Trust me, I know my kid can get ugly sometimes, rarely thank goodness, but if he does, his coach or his father and I will handle it. We've managed to get them this far without your help and we will carry on.

The saddest thing I think, is that most won't even recognize themselves as the ones who need the shock collars. I might have been there once...when my girls were little I thought winning and being the best would make them feel better about themselves, better than I felt about myself growing up, but you know what? We are on the other side of sports with them now and truth is...it just didn't matter...winning didn't make them feel better, losing didn't make them feel worse, in the long run anyway. So, as my experience grows so does my understanding. It's just a game, whether its a "friendly" in soccer or the district finals in baseball....I want them to perform well and yes I want them to win, because winning tends to be more fun than losing. But I want them to win with integrity and I want them to lose with the confidence that it doesn't change who they are. I want them to perform with the knowledge that if they give it their all, yet they err, no blow hard stranger, or worse a teammates parent, is going to yell from the stands and question their right to be where they are.

I could spend time proof reading and editing this piece. I know it is jumpy and I have spelled neandrathal wrong...but stream of consciousness stuff is rarely well edited...it is just mental vomit in my opinion...but, as we all know when we have that upset stomach there is that underlying feeling, "if I can just get this out, I know I'll feel better". So there, I have compared my writing to vomit...have a good day.

Evidently, I AM Superwoman

There are countless devotionals and or inspirational readings that try to convince woman that there is no such thing as "Supermom". Even though we feel we must try, we can not ever be all things to all people. I agree with that whole heartedly. I am only one person and I can't make every one happy all the time. And I don't even feel compelled to try because I certainly believe that, if I attempted to always make my kids happy, they would never learn what real life is like. HOWEVER (you had to know THAT was coming)...I have concluded that I DO have super powers...I will just share a few of you.

1. I have super intelligence: I am the only one that knows how to operate the vacuum cleaner. That may not be the entire truth. I guess it is more fair to say that I am the only one that understands that the vacuum cleaner, when used properly, can suck animal hair and other debris off the floor.

2. I have super intuitiveness: I am the only one who knows how to locate the vacuum cleaner. I'm not sure how super this is...I usually just go look where the vacuum cleaner is supposed to be and if it is not there I take a random poll of who might have used it last and then I retrace their steps to find said vacuum. So it may not be an actual super power because it is really just common sense but I seem to be the only one who employs it so I think that is super.

3. I have super vision: I am the only one who can see the actual debris on the floor. Others can walk right on it in their bare feet even, yet not even feel it. I may be the only one that understands that fruit snack wrappers, empty birthday card envelopes, the little squiggly edges of notebook paper, that have been torn off, and the like, don't actually belong on the ground or tabletops, but I prefer to see this as a super power because then it makes it less annoying.

4. I have super strength: Not like the kind that can lift a car off a child (although I firmly believe any mother could do this if need be). No! I am the only one who can open the dishwasher to see if it is full of clean dishes (therefore ready to be emptied) or dirty dishes (therefore there is no reason to put the dirty dish in hand in the sink but deposit it directly in the dish washing receptacle). In all fairness to my offspring, a few years back I purchased a magnet, mostly because I needed something to put in Kevin's Christmas stocking. It is a two "headed" magnet that says "clean" on one end and "dirty" on the other. This was stuck to the front of the dishwasher to make the opening of the appliance (which has proven to be too strenuous for our spawn)less imperative. However, sometimes in the rush of daily living, we forget to flip the magnet. Therefore, sometimes it is just inaccurate...making the opening of said receptacle necessary. But, they just can't do it. Poor little mortal beings :-(. I really have nothing but pity for them.

5. I have super communication skills. I am the only one who knows how to use an actual telephone connection. I can text with the best of them and will do that if I can but, if a phone call is necessary, I can perform this task. Also, I am the only one who knows how to look up a phone number. We have a phone book, but I think the children think it is only something to prop things up with.

6. I have super soothing abilities. I have the ability (apparently) to make all bad things feel not so bad, simply by being present. This is actually my favorite...:-)

30 things?

Lately the "kids" have been posting something new on facebook. It seems to be called "30 things" and it is supposed to be 30 random facts about them that others may not know. I think this is intriguing. I also think it is naively wonderful for teenagers to think that the things they post are what make them unique. It takes a little bit of life experience to really be able to find the things in you that are unique and that make you a special creation. In order to be retrospective you need to actually have something that is considered "retro". Honestly, I have had the same hair style longer than most of these kids have been toilet trained. But, I'm not here to bash teenagers. I have four of my own that serve me quite well in that area. I love them, they are spectacular and what floors me a little is that in less than three short months one of them will no longer fall into the category "teenager". But that is also, not why I'm here. I thought today, as we end this year 2010, I should post 30 things about myself. I have to be honest, when I saw the "30 things" posts on Facebook I rarely read them. Mostly for the reasons I mentioned before. I can't imagine most people have 30 things that I need to know about them. That statement segues quite well into my first "thing" of 30 that you may not know about me:

1. I don't really like people; I said this a couple of months ago as I sat around a table with some good friends playing games and sharing laughs. One of those friends laughed and said, "you've got to be kidding, you are almost always surrounded by people." I couldn't not agree. Our home is full of children and said children have activities and friends they bring over and I am totally okay with that. And I am friendly, but I am rarely me. The person I am when I am outside my home is the shell of the person I am when I'm here, with my family, and an even thinner shell of the person I am when I'm alone. That person could change the world...if she liked people.

2. I've never watched one single episode of reality television...and I never will.

3. I, not so secretly, think my children are more beautiful, kind and talented than any other kids on the planet. I'm okay with us all agreeing to disagree on this one...but just look at them...they are exceptional.

4. I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to be able to come up with 30 things about me that are unique. I'm not saying that there aren't 30 things. I'm saying that my memory is starting to fail me and I'm pretty sure I won't have the attention span to sit here and come up with 30 interesting things.

5. I love to read. This might not be considered interesting or unique. But it will get me to a higher number before I have to quit.

6. I want people to like me. This might sound silly, because don't we all really wish to be liked? But, I have had a complex since childhood. I've always felt sort of "out of place" and it followed me to through school, where I was a bit of a bully to those deemed "lower on the totem pole" then me because I really wanted to be liked by those higher up. I never really was accepted and I never felt worthy...to the point that it was just a few years ago in my marriage that I actually believed Kevin was in for the long haul. That he actually loved me, for me. Who knew. I am less overbearing now when I like people. I figure if they choose not to like me it is really their loss...as arrogant as that sounds it is true. After 45 plus years on this planet I realized...

7. I'm actually a pretty swell person. I'm not Mother Teresa...but I quote her on Facebook. I try really hard to be a good wife and mother, sibling, daughter and friend. I try not to sweat the small stuff. (I would make a book out of that but I feel like it's been done.)

8. I'm not sure if I really love Jesus. I'm not saying I don't believe in Jesus. I'm just trying to be honest. I love the idea of Jesus. I want to believe that there is a savior that died just for me. And, in theory, I do. I live in such a way that, I believe, Jesus would be pleased with. But, can I say "I love you" to Jesus like I can to my children? I don't think I would be honest if I said yes. But, I'm going to keep trying. Because I believe in eternity and I believe that with all my heart.

9. I had two white mice when I was in 6th grade. Their names were Dorthy and Gertrude after my Grandma's. They were supposed to be a science fair project but I don't really know what I was doing with them that was very scientific. My dad made me keep them in the backroom of the basement where they, one cold night, froze to death.

10. I believe that my children are the most beautiful, talented, extraordinary humans to ever walk the planet. I may have already mentioned this. Here they again though

12. I wish I had gone to college. I LOVE to learn but I don't think this is the reason I wish I had gone to college. I just think the whole experience is a pretty cool one. I want my kids to have it. I want them to feel a part of something like that and I really want them to have "college friends" they get together with until they are old and gray and can't really remember why they are getting together anymore...they just know they've been doing it for so long that it is something they are supposed to do.

13. My favorite numbers are 13 and 21. and the number 11 just bothers me, which is why I left it out...plus also it gets me to number 30 quicker and, honestly, I'm boring myself here...I can't believe you are still reading.

14. I LOVE Christmas and everything it represents...both religious and secular. I love shopping for gifts for my family, I love all the lights and the sounds and the smells. But every year it stresses me out...even when I try not to let it and I'm always thankful when it is over.

15. I have never made a new years resolution. I have more to add to this statement but it is the part I have rehearsed in my mind as the big finish to this post and, since I want to keep you reading I will leave it for the end.

16. I am morbidly obese... It's not something I'm super proud of but the Wii balance board would not lie to me I think. I'm still a skinny person in a fat person's body though. My weight is the one thing I would change about my life. And it's not because I feel ugly, because I don't... well some days when my hair looks bad I feel ugly, but I don't feel ugly because I'm fat. It's because I can't play with my kids the way I want to. It's because I can't run without things bouncing that shouldn't bounce and without my feet hurting and without sweating profusely on a cold winter day...and without having to pee. Also, I would change it because I don't even like leaving my house because clothes are uncomfortable, and clothes are sort of a given if you are going to leave your home. These things all bother me, because I have an adventurers soul and a circus freak's body.

17. I love puzzles of all kinds. I like crossword puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, sudoku, and legos.

18. I'm fairly certain I'm not going to make it to 30 in this list anyway....since I plowed through the age 30 fifteen years ago and left it panting and pleading for mercy.

19. These two little guys make me feel younger every day.

I'm fairly certain I've always been a decent mother. My older kids tell me that I am, and was, a good mommy. But Travis and Bryan are getting the best of me I think. It's not that I've stopped parenting the others, I still do and we have lots of parenting years ahead of us, but I'm more at peace now then I was when they were little. Part of me wishes I could go back and change that but, since that is not an option. I will just carry on and enjoy what I have.

20. Twenty seems like enough

21. I'm going to end with 21 the day I was born in the month of November in the year of our Lord nineteen sixty four; my basketball number back in the day when I was a point guard for the Bulldogs of Otsego High, and the number of years I have been entrenched (seems like a good word), for better or for worse, in marriage with my good friend Kevin D. Barclay.

So, going back to the point where I said I don't make New Year's resolutions...that may only have been a partial truth. At one time I'm sure I made a resolution or two. And, I'm equally certain that I broke them within days, if not mere moments of resolving them. I guess I just don't see the point. Not in resolutions themselves but in the man-made tradition on a man-made appointed time. Why each year? I don't see why a calendar should tell me that it is time to make a promise to be a better person, or treat my loved ones better, or treat myself better (i.e. shoot for only grossly obese). When every single day, nay, every single moment we are given that opportunity. Every single second, of every single hour, of every single day, of every single week...(you get the picture) I can resolve to be a better person than I was the moment before. It doesn't have to be a big deal, it usually isn't. Travis asked me about praying the other day. I don't really remember the question but I do remember saying that I don't really pray. Meaning, rare is the time that I will set aside moments and hit my knees in prayer, although there are days when that is vital. I just have a continual conversation with God...a direct mouth to ear... like the people that walk around town with their bluetooth devices in their ears and look like they are talking to themselves. Only I do it quietly because those people look crazy!

I will celebrate the New Year tonight because it is a tradition and because we have actually been invited somewhere. But, to me, it will always be moments, not years coming and going that are worthy of celebration. Little, irretrievable, nano seconds that will never be lived again. Those I will try to live with all my might.

Happy New Year or should I say Happy New Moment.

unboilng the frog

Everyone has heard the story about the frog that is put in a pot of room temperature water and isn't smart enough to jump out as the heat increases. Eventually the frog boils to death. I've been thinking of that a lot lately. We are in that pot. We've put our kids in that pot. Don't get me wrong, we are "others loving", Jesus following die-hards. We want to be our best for Christ...but sometimes...that other stuff is just so darn fun. I'm not talking about anything too severe. We make sure our kids know they are being held to a higher standard than we had of ourselves at their age. And they are doing a pretty good job of upholding those standards. What I worry about is the things they've been given and the things we do for them.

My eyes have opened wider recently to the "have-nots" in the world. The gap is wide between the haves and have nots and it is getting wider and wider everyday. Just recently we bought a Kinect sensor for our Xbox. It is a new part of a gaming system that is touted for its ability to keep kids active instead of the same old sedentary video games. I like it, we've had a lot of fun with it, tons of family together time and a LOT of laughs. And it does keep the kids more active than say, Madden 11, but probably not as active as poor little "Joe Africa" fighting to find enough food each day to stay alive. See what I mean? The gap is HUGE.

It is hard to not give to my kids. I mean, I didn't really exsist as who I am before them. And, if I'm honest with myself, and sadly, I am brutally honest with myself to the point of tears often, I don't really exist outside of them. Jackie Kennedy said something (and I would quote but I'm too lazy to look it up so you'll have to be tolerant of my paraphrase) If we mess up on raising our kids, nothing else we do really matters. I pretty much take that to heart.

So I really want to raise kids with an awareness of the "have-nots". I want them to feel truly blessed with what they have and not entitled. I want to reverse the boil on the pot o' frog. But, the catchy part here, is maintaining my credibility. Learning to not want more than I need myself. That is tough...there is a lot of cool stuff out there. But, I can do without a lot of things...it is harder to withhold something from someone you love, enough to die for, a thing that you know would make them smile. But for how long? Until the next thing that everyone else is getting makes them feel less smiley about the thing you just got them. The fire under the pot is getting higher and hotter.

It is November 22, Yesterday I turned 46. It was a strange day. I often think a lot. Sometimes I don't care for it. When you have stream of conciousness thought with no scheduled stops, a lot of crazy things can go through your head. But yesterday I mostly thought about how my birthday was "no big deal". And when I say "no big deal" I don't mean..."I really want to say it's no big deal but I want people to shower me with attention and then I want to pout profusely when it doesn't happen."

I guess I really think a birthday of my own is no big deal. I mean...I didn't do anything special on that first day (November 21, 1964). I know for a fact that I spit up an entire bottle of formula on the woman that had just carried me for nine months and then gave birth to all 9 plus pounds of me (I'm spitballing here...spitballing...HA...I crack myself up with my unintentional irony. But, I really don't know how much I weighed). This is the only birth story I know for myself. That and that I was born in the middle of a pretty heavy snowstorm.

I think the first 26 years of my life were just another incubation process. I was truly born March 19, 1991, then again just shy of two years later on January 10th, 1993 again on May 4, 1994, January 11th, 1996, November 3rd, 1999 and for the final time on August 8th, 2002. It might sound corny but I just know what I was born to be. And I was just marking time until then. Everything about being a mom to six of the best kids on the planet has made me want to be better at everything else I try.

Including being a better wife. Who wouldn't love this guy?

For those of you who think I'm taking on a Pollyanna view to motherhood or that I've somehow truly latched on to the only six perfect children in the universe, please let me share. By about 4:00 yesterday I just wanted them all to go away. Too much togetherness is not good. They were crabby, which was making mama crabby and you know how the saying goes. "If mama ain't happy...ain't nobody happy". But truly that is an unfair saying, because most mothers know that we will gladly sacrifice our happiness, our spot on the couch, our last piece of birthday cake kindly delievered by a neighbor...to make our offspring happy.

So, I also think my kids have made me a better follower of Jesus. Because I get it...I understand what it feels like to care enough to sacrifice whatever needs to be sacrificed. To feel that what is best for them is what's best in general. To love them enough to die for them.

I know that God is our Father because the Bible tells us so. And I mean no disprespect to fathers. I know Kevin would lay down his life in a second for any one of our kids. But I really think of motherly love when I think of God. Because I get it. It's not about me, it was never about me. And someday, I pray that each one of my kids feels the same way about their birthday...